In the Midst of Everything

Picture1It is not unusual for a new student to enter the practice of meditation with a goal to empty the busy mind and enter a state of bliss and relaxation. While this may be a delightful side effect to mindful living, it is sure to be a temporary state. Instead, mindfulness and meditation help set favorable conditions for pleasant thoughts, sensations and emotions to arise while building the resilience to experience whatever is happening in every moment. As my teacher, Jonathan Foust says, “Meditation will make you feel better.” It will make you feel anger better. Frustration better. Doubt better. Jealousy better. And so on.

In A Lamp in the Darkness, Jack Kornfield writes,

If you can sit quietly after difficult news;
if in financial downturns you remain perfectly calm;
if you can see your neighbors travel to fantastic places without a twinge of jealousy;
If you can happily eat whatever is put on your plate;
if you can fall asleep after a day of running around without a drink of a pill;
if you can always find content just where you are;

you are probably a dog.

When we fight and fix and control, we become tight and closed to possibility. And something will go wrong anyway. We become, as a Tibetan teacher says, a bundle of tense muscles, defending our existence. Perhaps instead of trying to get everything right with balance and poise, our challenge is this,

If the world will not go away then the great discipline seems to be the ability to make an identity that can live in the midst of everything without feeling beset.” – David Whyte, Consolations: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words

The use of an anchor in mindfulness practice allows us to work with the uncertainty of not being able to control our experience. We can focus on our breath for one or two cycles and then we become distracted. It is failure practice.

How we respond to our situation, both in meditation and in life, is the one true thing we can control. So we gently guide our attention back to the anchor and begin again, dwelling in the midst of everything.


meditation
November is a busy month at Center For Self-Care including Mindful Dads Meeting (11/14), Men Sitting By A Fire (11/15) and Mindful Habit Change (11/20). Join us to practice together.

The Curiosity Habit, Part 1

The Habit-Building Industry is booming. Everywhere you look there are books, magazine articles, videos and apps to support you in making or breaking habits. But it turns out, I’ve got more bad habits than ever! I suspect I’m not the only one. How did this happen? It may be that every generation has its own “dos and dont’s” when it comes to habits. We are living in an age where we have more knowledge of the brain science behind habits and the consequences of our behavior than ever. But the tools to create dependency are more sophisticated than ever. Start with your cellphone. We essentially have a roulette wheel in our pockets. Will I get an important email? Will someone “like” my latest post? Is there news I need to know about? What am I missing out on?

UnknownAfter 30 years of drinking Mountain Dew every day, I’m excited that I haven’t had one for over one hundred days! I’ve tried to stop many times in the past but always relied on willpower as my habit change method. As I became more curious about this habit, I recognized the times, situations and emotions that had me reaching for that hit of sugar and caffeine regularly. This exploration allowed me to do more than just avoid Mountain Dew but instead build new habits that served me better. More in future posts . . .


Ready to make a change? Join us beginning Tuesday, September 18 from 7-8:15 pm at Tredyffrin Library, 582 Upper Gulph Road, Strafford, for Mindfulness & Meditation for Positive Habit Change. No cost to attend, no experience needed.

Learn to train your brain to break old habits and adopt new ones!

September 18: Identifying Habit Patterns
October 9: Accountability and Reminders
November 20: Patience and Self-Compassion
December 11: Sustainable Change

Examples of habits to be addressed include technology use, self-compassion & self-care, physical fitness, and procrastination.


I think you’ll enjoy the short video from researcher Judson Brewer below. Brewer proposes a four-step model to help break a bad habit:

  1. Notice the urge
  2. Get curious
  3. Feel the joy of letting go
  4. Repeat

Sound familiar? If you practice meditation and mindfulness, you already have a head start! These simple (but not easy) instructions are also the invitation to mindfulness. Our minds are impulsive. We will feel urges! The key is to catch oneself, investigate and start over if you need to.

Oftentimes, we think of habits related to nutrition, exercise, sleep and self-care. The model Brewer offers can also be applied to the workings of our own mind. You might even try this meditation, Seeing through the Habits of Mind from Adyashanti to begin your exploration.

 

 

Taking Care of Ourselves

HC-picture-2There are often times I think about why am I not taking better care of myself or why am I not taking care of myself. I need to eat better, exercise more, meditate more, drink less, worry less, etc. Often this comes with self-criticism self-doubt, or judgment. When I go in this direction I don’t always have the answers or am able to change my ways or solve the problem. It’s hard to make the time. I feel pulled in a million different directions, spread thin, exhausted, and sometimes get stuck. What I do know is that when I make my care a priority, something that I need and deserve, it makes a huge difference for my well-being and the well-being of the people around me. When it comes to my care it is important for me to take the time and stop and pause, to ask questions of myself to connect or reconnect with what is most important to me and my care.

What do I need for my care?

What is between or in the way of me taking care of myself?

What do I notice when I care for myself or don’t care for myself?

By pausing and taking the time to go inward and reflect, it might give us what we need, uncover something, open our hearts and minds, it might just be the reminder or information we need to care for ourselves. I believe our care is important and deserved in whatever way works best for each of us. We can start now. We can start again and again and again. We can come back to ourselves and reconnect, making the time to be present and listen to what we need and offer ourselves care and support.


Screen Shot 2017-09-14 at 9.20.19 PMCenter For Self-Care offers numerous opportunities to practice self-care with in-person and online communities. Register and participate with us today!

Visit our Podcast, YouTube Channel, and Facebook Page for more.

Are you curious about Mindfulness Meditation? Mindfulness has been defined as a way of paying attention, fully and with interest, to what is happening in the present moment, without judgment.  Mindfulness involves the practice of being aware of the present-moment experience without being preoccupied by stressors and distractions. Do you want to take time for your care and connect with others? Josh Gansky will lead us on an exploration of ways to better navigate through our busy and stress-filled lives. Self-care is at the heart of everything we do; the way we feel, think, and act.  When we care for ourselves, we can be at our best.  We can actively make our lives and other people’s lives better. Drop in anytime for these weekly sessions which include guided Mindfulness practices and discussion in a supportive group setting. Develop greater connection, inner calmness, and awareness, allowing you to be more present in your life. This class is Appropriate for all levels. Please join us to take a pause, connect, reflect, and make time for your care.
Location:
Upper Merion Community Center
431 West Valley Forge Road
King of Prussia, PA 19406
610-265-1071