Saying Yes to This Moment

Can we say “Yes” to what is arising in this moment? Can we say yes to being human? Can we say “Yes” to imperfection, compassion, understanding and patience? Can we say “Yes” to what we are experiencing right now, perhaps without pushing away, avoiding or changing anything? This could be what we need in this moment. To allow what is here to be here.

Below, I offer a guided practice, Saying Yes to This Moment.

One of my favorite poets is Danna Faulds. She captures this idea of saying “Yes” to our experience in the poem Allow,

There is no controlling life.
Try corralling a lightning bolt,
containing a tornado. Dam a 
stream and it will create a new
channel. Resist and the tide
will sweep you off your feet.
Allow, and grace will carry
you to higher ground. The only
safety lies in letting it all in —
the wild and the weak; fear,
fantasies, failures and success.
When loss rips off the doors of
the heart, or sadness veils your
vision with despair, practice
becomes simply bearing the truth.
In the choice to let go of your
known way of being, the whole
world is revealed to your new eyes.


Join Center For Self-Care for an upcoming event. Follow the links on the right side of the screen for our Wednesday evening Mindfulness Meditation Drop-In as well as Mindful Men Meeting the first Thursday of evening month and our fall 2018 Habit Change monthly class.

What Brings You Here?

logo.pngThe practice of mindfulness asks us to notice and allow. Each moment is an opportunity to notice what’s here, allowing it to be here without changing anything, pushing away or avoiding. It is important because it can help us to see what is really here.  Things will change, emotions will come and go, but when we step back, we open space to identify what is important to us and what we need for our own care.

In our last Mindful Dads Meeting, I offered three questions:

  • What brings you here?
  • What do you need for your care?
  • What is your intention?

You don’t need to be sitting with a group to reflect on these questions. You might even try it out now:

This post is the sixth in a series that offers teachings to support a mindful practice and lifestyle. They are based on gatherings of Mindful Dads Meeting but offer universal wisdom suitable for anyone.


landscape-1445637858-1444139506-meditating.jpgThe best time to meditate? Now! if this very second won’t do, we can support you in your practice. We are online every Sunday at 9pm and Tuesday at 8:30pm at www.center4selfcare.com/meditate4selfcare. In the coming weeks, we have mens fire circles and dads groups suitable for all experience levels.


Suffering = Pain * Resistance

77645358.jpgThere are so many motivations that bring us to mindful practice. We may be stuck in regrets of the past or fearful of challenges in the future. Oftentimes, our attempt to control our circumstances leaves us worse for the wear. When we hold on too tight, we get rope burn.

The formula above reminds us that we can feel pain, unpleasant and negative emotions, but still experience joy and contentment. It is only when we resist and react that the pain is literally multiplied into suffering. We can incline ourselves towards joy by allowing for our emotions, holding them lightly and letting them come and go on their own time.

As we discussed in our group, I offered two conditions for joy. It’s as simple as when

  • people pay attention to us
  • we receive a message that says, “I’m here for you and I care about you”

Interestingly, we can often these gifts to ourselves through self-compassion and self-care. We can bring our attention inward and treat ourselves with love and forgiveness. In the practice below, we use an awareness of the body to find meaning and purpose in our experience.

Who Ordered This Truckload of Dung?

“It” happens.

Uninvited and unpleasant circumstances arrive in our life with frightening regularity. We can try to push away our experience, but all too often, our aversion makes it worse. And when we carry around this “dung”, it weighs us down (and, figuratively, makes us smell). If instead, we use it as fertilizer to cultivate a deeper wisdom and understanding, we grow and evolve.

push-away.jpgMy arrival to the practice of meditation followed this path. All at once, I lost my father and my business. My wife was struggling with a health issue, school wasn’t going so well for either of the kids and I was having trouble sleeping. My response was to try to fix everything. To grab the reigns of control so tightly that not one more thing could go wrong. My teacher likes to say, “What you resist persists.” And it did. Any effort to solve these problems just created more problems. It wasn’t until I let go a bit, felt the discomfort, and watched my experience play out that life came back in to balance.

Ajahm Brahm, author of Who Ordered This Truckload Of Dung? was trained in the Thai Forest tradition of Ajahm Chah (also Jack Kornfield’s teacher). His unique brand of humor makes meditation accessible and relatable. Below, he shares the simile of the dung: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fx2dnLxO2nM

His approach is very forgiving. He reminds that there are three things to know about the piles of dung that surround us, be they big or small:bad-smell-foul-odor-smelly-fart.jpg

1) You did not ask for this dung.
2) You can’t send it back to where it came from.
3) It really stinks (to the point of nearly being unbearable).

We can either respond to the dung delivery by filling our pockets with it, our bags, our belongings and so on, carrying it with us wherever we go. This is unlikely to make us many friends. The alternative is to see the dung and get to work. We bring it around back to the garden and gently turn it into the soil of our experience. With patience and time, the pile becomes smaller and our garden grows stronger. When we see our challenges as fertilizer, we can use them to cultivate an abundant garden of flowers, fruits, vegetables and love.

This isn’t easy, but we can practice! We meditate and notice what is arising, the thoughts, feelings and sensations that distract us from the object of our attention, be it the breath, the body or sounds. “Working the dung” is aspirational. There is no way our pile will disappear. But when we catch ourselves over and over again, we are literally training our brain to hold our experience more loosely.


Just this week, one of my son’s teachers introduced me to the Aran Islands, just off the coast of Ireland. These islands became the home for displaced Catholics hundreds of years ago. They arrived to a giant pile of rocks:

Source: http://culturalroadmapp.com/irelands-aran-islands-a-writers-retreat-for-j-m-synge/

With patience, they built the rocks into walls. They brought sand to the terraces they’d carved out. And finally they brought nutrient-rich manure and seaweed to mix in to the new soil. Ultimately, they created one of the most fertile agricultural landscapes in Ireland. The secret ingredient was the dung. These are the ingredients of our lives. What will we do with them?

Being a Dad

This summer I thought a lot about Mindfulness and why I “got into it” and why it has become such an important part of who I am. One of the biggest reasons I “got into it” was that I wanted to be more present with my family (Wife and Kids) and enjoy my time with them more. Everybody says it, when it comes to your kids, and it is true from my experience, it goes so fast. The other piece is I didn’t like the way I was reacting to my son which in turn caused me to not like myself. What I realized is that I had to start with myself and take care of me. Mindfulness has given me this gift. It has helped me to be a more patient, kind, loving, present, compassionate, and understanding husband, dad, friend, brother, colleague, counselor, coach, teacher, and son. As I reflected upon all of this I began to think about, what does it mean to be a dad (parent)?

Being a dad is…….

Love, fear, joy, stressful, courageous, uncertainty, gratitude, the greatest thing, the hardest thing, happiness, brings tears to my eyes, insecurity, makes me a better person/human being, messing up, not knowing it all, humility, hugs, kisses, high fives, pats on the back, wrestling, tickling, laughing, playing, crying, smiling, pain, exhausting, In For Life, unexpected, love to the highest degree, teaching, learning, listening, yelling, frustration, not enough sleep, providing, changing diapers, asking them to do the same thing again and again, intense, worry, imperfect, kindness, pleasant, unpleasant, vulnerability, emotional, fun, milestones, playful, demanding, messing up, trying the best I can, comparing, setting an example, not being good enough, needing a drink, being called dad, seeing them born, seeing them grow up, wanting the best for my kids, can’t put into words, unchartered territory, compassion, spending time together, being as present as I can be, timeouts, listening, disciplining, takes heart, hard work, tender, memories, connection, caring, most important thing and matters most, responsibility, beating myself up, unpredictable, heart-breaking, heart-warming, empathy, tucking them in, soccer, coaching, their biggest fan, watching movies, going out to dinner, vacations, kissing a boo boo, exhausting, taxi service, supporting, failing, roller coaster ride, an adventure, making meals, first steps, scoring the goal, seeing them left out, an honor, no guarantees, a myracle, always wanted to be one, family, LOVE, Alyssa, Kody, Annemarie…….